1. Your floor is covered with squeaky stuffed animals, rawhides, and the remnants of God-knows-what.
2. You’re accustomed to sleeping with only a couple of inches of space to work with
3. Despite your best efforts, all your windows have mysterious smudges on them
4. You know your canine neighbors better than your human neighbors
“Hi, Rufus! Hi, Sharon… Cheryll… Cherie? I’m sorry, I’m terrible with names.”
5. Your dog eats better than you do
6. You’ve accepted that your clothes, furniture, and life is destined to be covered in hair
7. You are always finding (hopefully unused) plastic bags in your pockets
8. You keep buying expensive beds and toys (even though you know they’ll never get used)
9. You get seriously offended when guests ask you to “put the dog away.”
Excuse me, the dog lives here. You do not.
10. You aren’t even remotely joking when you refer to your dog as your “furry kid.”
11. You are immediately more attracted to someone if they mention they have a dog…
12. …And you immediately decide you don’t trust them if they say they don’t like dogs.
13. You talk in an annoying, high-pitched voice for about 40% of the day
“I’m gonna tickle your belly, oh yes I am! Oh yes I am!”
14. You have a special place in your heart for toll booth workers who see the dog(s) in your car and offer you a dog treat for them
15. Your 6:30 a.m. alarm is a wet nose in your face.
16. You don’t mind when a human dies in a movie, but if the dog dies, you’re done for.
17. You have to leave the room when *that* ASPCA commercial comes on.
18. Your reaction to seeing other dogs is akin to most people seeing a celebrity
19. The 4th of July is your least favorite holiday.
20. You get mild anxiety when you’re at someone else’s house and they leave food on a short table
In your house, that would be devoured in 0.3 seconds.
21. You’ve gone out of your way to help a loose or stray dog on the side of the road.
22. Your dog gets Christmas presents just like everyone else… wrapping paper and bow included.
23. You believe that slobber is just a part of life.
And so are slobbery kisses!
24. People only get you dog-related gifts for your birthday and the holidays.
But you’re 110% ok with that.
25. Your family understands that when you come to visit, your dog is coming, too.
26. You have a habit of spelling out words instead of just saying them.
“I had to w-a-l-k to the store today because my sister has my c-a-r.”
27. You missed your dog more than your family when you left for college or the military
28. Your partner has said, “You love that dog more than you love me.”
Yes, and I’m confused as to why you’re acting surprised about that.